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Star Tours 1.9

If you’re a die-hard Star Wars/Star Tours fan, you may not want to read what follows here. I had an idea for the new version of Star Tours. I’m labeling it version 1.9, because, well… just keep reading, you’ll see.

Closing dates were announced last week for Star Tours, Disneyland will close theirs on July 27th and Walt Disney World (Disney’s Hollywood Studios) will close theirs on September 8th of this year to begin the work for upgrading the 20-year old attraction to Star Tours II (or 2.0). The announcement was made in September of last year at the D23 expo that this was coming in October of this year, but I guess they decided to get started a little bit sooner. The news last week, however, has started a new discussion across the Internet about what will be in the new version. It also prompted a somewhat frantic message from my oldest son earlier this week, who had not heard the announcement. After exchanging a few messages and re-assurance that they were just closing it to upgrade and enhance it, I began thinking about a possible story line.

Jokingly, I made comment to my son that part of the new upgrade would be a new pilot replacing Rex… by the name of… Jar Jar Binks!  (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself) Which started the wheels turning…

I don’t know how they’re planning to design/build the new ST, but I really really hope they have multiple experiences, kind of like what was teased before in the queue. They could do this either randomly via programming on each simulator, or they could have each of the simulators running a different trip/destination that guests could choose during less busy times, or castmembers would assign during the busy times. On one of the trips Jar Jar will be your pilot and take you on a fun-filled, action packed and sometimes frighteningly scary, mis-adventure  similar to the fashion in which Rex did. Side-note: A couple of years ago, my then 12 year-old son pointed out the irony of his name, (Rex or is it Wrecks)  oddly, in all the years I had ridden, I never thought about it.

Script

Boarding would take place as usual, and once the show begins, you are immediately informed that your pilot cannot be found.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard Star Tours. We apologize for the delay, as our pilot has not reported in. Please remain seated, while the stand-by is summoned to the flight deck.”

Following the announcement, noises can be heard in the cabin, and the blast shield is lowered shortly after to reveal your new pilot.

“Heddo, Meesa Jar Jar Binks, your humble servant”

“Meesa happy to see you. Weesa gonna have a good trip today, nooo wordies, Meesa been on this trip maaannny time. Yousa just sit back and enjoy da ride. Weesa dare in no time. Okey-Dokey?”

The flight plan/destination would be a trip to Tatooine to see Annie (Anniken Skywalker) defend his title in the pod races, however, due to Jar Jar’s bumbling pilot skills, you never leave Naboo. The trip would include an accidental trip to Gungan city thanks in part to a droid ship that spots yours and begins chasing you. In an effort to evade them, Jar Jar diverts the ship into the waters and onward to Gungan city.  Of course Jar Jar is chastised for coming there because he’s still banned for his clumsiness. Upon leaving Gungan city you would encounter the sea monsters and your ship would lose power, much like in Phantom Menace, only this time he has to get you out alive without the help of the Jedi, somehow he manages to just barely pull it off. In an fit of panic and desperation, Jar Jar bangs the console with his fists, which short circuits the controls and restarts the ship. Upon exiting the water, the droid ship once again spots yours and they resume the chase. Your ship is fired upon several times, rocking the cabin and causing various small explosions in and outside the ship. The pursuit continues, and the droids order you to land. As Jar Jar begins slowing down in preparation for landing, he accidentally deploys the emergency chute instead of the landing gear. Because of the droid ship’s close proximity in pursuit of yours, the chute is sucked into their engines and destroys their ship. Of course, he’s recognized as a hero now, but because of the damage incurred in the fight, the ship is not able to make it to Tatooine, and so he has to return you to the port.

 

On a somewhat related, and better note, I found the following video of a TV commercial advertising the 2010 Star Wars weekends at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, it’s pretty cool.

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